Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

This movie begged for all kinds of awful punning blog post titles, like Elizabeth: The Stone Age or Elizabeth: What Golden Age? There's nothing I love better than a good costume drama. Even a bad costume drama--and this definitely was, with its melodramatic plot, lighting, sets, and editing--offers some weird enjoyment. Gorgeous costumes. Awful film.

Here is a vague rundown of my thought processes during the watching of the film:

15 min. in: Hey, this movie isn't that bad. What were people talking about?

+5 min: Oh no.

Wow, Clive Owen is yummy. Hey, where's he been lately? He was the It Guy for a while.

Poor Cate Blanchett. She's doing her best.

Maybe she's doing too much.

Now I can't even remember what I thought was good about the original Elizabeth.

What is the point in cutting back to Spain for thirty seconds at a time? Did Shekhar Kapur decide he didn't like character development any more?

Yes, I too surround myself with a hundred candles in a circle when I decide to stare at myself naked in a mirror while the guy I'm crushing on is gettin' it on with my lady-in-waiting. Good god. Restraint, people.

This beacon scene reminds me of Return of the King.

This ship scene reminds me of Pirates of the Caribbean.

What a sad waste of potential.


jodi said...

I dunno, I'm thinking that your review is funny enough that i'm glad they made the film :-)

Heidi said...

aw, thanks. I was rather surprised at how often it reminded me of Return of the King -- there were a couple of other moments. I guess LOTR really redefined the epic for a new generation, or something of that kind.